Warriors Use IM!
by Do a Barrel Roll
Summary: Yeah, this idea has been used before, but not like this! Expect randomness!
1. Screen Names

**Wolf: Yup! Warriors IM!**

**Anakin: YAY!**

**Jayfeather: How come you're here?**

**Anakin: You always appear in the Star Wars fics, so I can appear here!**

**Wolf: I don't own Warriors. This is the just the page with the screen names. And this takes places before Long Shadows, but Jayfeather will have his full name. I also don't own the millions of red squiggly lines that appeared under the Warrior names when I typed this.**

* * *

**ThunderClan:**

**Firestar**- AtomicFireball

**Brambleclaw**- Claws_of_Fury

**Leafpool**- TeaLeaves

**Jayfeather**- Blindsided

**Hollyleaf**- HollyBerry

**Lionblaze**- Pwnage

**Graystripe**- SuperStripe

**Ashfur- **Ashes_to_Ashes

**Cinderheart-** BadgersAreEvil

**Squirrelflight- **KlutzySquirrel

**Sandstorm- **SandyShores

**Dustpelt- **Ferncloud_is_Hot

**Ferncloud- **Dustpelt_is_Sexy

**Berrynose- **ImTooSexyforMyShirt

**Honeyfern- **Honey

**Daisy- **PrincessDaisy

**Brightheart- **IHateDogPacks

**Cloudtail- **CloudSkies

**Millie- **KittypetofDoom

**Brackenfur- **AverageTom

* * *

**WindClan-**

**Onestar- **OnStar

**Heathertail- **Leathertail

**Crowfeather- **LadiesMan217

**Breezepelt- **BreezyInHere

**Nightcloud- **HunteroftheNight

**Barkface- **OlderthanDirt

* * *

**ShadowClan**

**Blackstar- **BlackShadows

**Tawnypelt- **ThunderShadow

* * *

**RivenClan-**

**Leopardstar- **LeopardPrint

**Mistyfoot- **SierraMist

**Mothwing- **StarsAreInanimateObjects

* * *

**StarClan**

**Bluestar- **ImSoBlue

**Yellowfang- **ToothDecay

**Spottedleaf- **PolkaDots

**Feathertail- **FeatherDuster

**Silverstream- **SilverSurfer

**Rock- **WeWilRockYou

* * *

**The Dark Forest**

**Tigerstar- **EyeoftheTiger

**Hawkfrost- **FrostytheSnowCat

**Darkstripe- **Dorkstripe

**Brokenstar- **BrokenNails

**Scourge- **Psycho

* * *

**Other Cats and Animals**

**Barley- **Oatmeal

**Ravenpaw- **RavensWings

**Sol- **SoulEater

**Purdy- **PurdyBoy

**Midnight- **Nightfire

**Stormfur- **Rainstorm

**Brook- **BrookWhereSmallFishSwim

**Wolf**- Timberwolf

* * *

**Wolf: Next chapter is where I start.**

**Jayfeather: Aww crap, should I be scared?**

**Wolf: Yes… Review! Review! Review!**


	2. The Ladies Man

****

Wolf: Yay, it's the first chapter!And The complete set of ThudnerClan plushies goes to whoever guesses where Crowfeather's screen name comes from!

**Jayfeather: Oh, joy.**

**Wolf: I don't own Warriors. If I did, Crowfeather wouldn't have been such an a-hole in ****Sunrise.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Ladies' Man**

_LadiesMan217 has logged on._

_TeaLeaves has logged on._

**TeaLeaves**: Hey Crowfeather.

**LadiesMan217**: Uhh hey Leafpool.

_HunteroftheNight has logged on._

**HunteroftheNight**: Get lost, Leafpool!

**TeaLeaves**: Make me, you pile of fox dung! He likes me better anyways!

**HunteroftheNight**: No he doesn't! We had a kit together, and you didn't with him!

_HunteroftheNight has logged off to kill Leafpool._

**LadiesMan217**: Dang, she has issues.

**TeaLeaves**: About what she said…

**LadiesMan217**: Yeah?

_Blindsided has logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

_HollyBerry has logged on._

**TeaLeaves**: (Not noticing Jayfeather, Lionblaze, or Hollyleaf.) We did have kits together, Crowfeather. Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf. I gave them to Squirrelflight to hide their identities. I even named Jayfeather for you at his medicine cat ceremony.

**Pwnage**: WHAT!?

**HollyBerry**: Oh my Starclan!

**Blindsided**: This doesn't surprise me.

**TeaLeaves**: You were on this whole time?!

**Pwnage**: Yes…

**LadiesMan217**: I can't believe I'm a father!

**Blindsided**: What about Breezepelt?

**LadiesMan217**: He doesn't count. He's an epic failure in life.

**Blindsided **and **Pwnage**: YAY!

**HollyBerry**: I'm a freak of nature!

_HollyBerry has logged off._

**TeaLeaves**: Don't mind her. It's her time of month again. Aww, great, Nightcloud is here.

_TeaLeaves has logged off to kill Nightcloud._

**Pwnage**: I still can't believe this…

_Pwnage has logged off._

**Blindsided**: So…Dad….

**Ladiesman217**: How are you even typing? You're blind!

**Blindsided**: Braille keyboard, dude. Braille keyboard.

_FeatherDuster has logged on._

**FeatherDuster**: Crowfeather?

**LadiesMan217**: OMS, Feathertail! I LOVE YOU!

**FeatherDuster**: Erm, I'm still dead, Crowfeather. We still can't be together. You have Leafpool, and you actually have kits who are likeable now!

**LadiesMan217**: Okay…Jayfeather, you won't tell Leafpool about this, right?

**Blindsided**: Not a word.

_BreezyInHere has logged on._

**BreezyInHere**: Hey Dad! It's Breezepelt!

_LadiesMan217 has logged off._

_Blindsided has logged off._

_FeatherDuster has logged off._

**BreezyInHere**: Hello? Anyone? Darn it, not again!

_BreezyInHere has logged off to sulk._

* * *

**Wolf: Well? What do you think?**

**Jayfeather: Hooray for Breezepelt bashing!**

**Wolf: And for Nightcloud bashing!**

**Jayfeather: What happened to her?**

**Wolf: You'll find out next chapter! Review! I know more than one person has read this! Or else I will kill off all of the cool characters, and Crowfeather will be first!**


	3. Couple Issues

**Wolf: Already have reviews in the double digits and this story hasn't even been up for 24 hours yet! I'm impressed. The threat is still out there, though. Oh, Crowfeather's screen name is from Transformers. I don't own Warriors. Even more sad, I don't own the rocket launcher I often use in my stories. I do have cake, though!**

**Lionblaze: I've never seen your rocket launcher before.**

**Palpy: Lucky you.**

**Wolf: (Pulls out rocket launcher.)**

**Palpy: (Gulps and runs away.)**

**Wolf: Why didn't he run away in Craziness, Candy, Jedi Knights, and WHAT?**

**Luke: Because he is an idiot.**

**Wolf: Oh duh…well, here's the story.**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Couple Issues**

_TeaLeaves has logged on._

_LadiesMan217 has logged on._

**TeaLeaves**: Nightcloud is now at the mental institution.

**LadiesMan217**: That's great!

_KlutzySquirrel has logged on._

**KlutzySquirrel**: Hey guys!

**TeaLeaves**: Squirrelflight, Crowfeather and the kits know.

**KlutzySquirrel**: WHAT?!

_Claws_of_Fury has logged on._

**Claws_of_Fury**: Hey, Squirrelflight, you sexy beast!

**LadiesMan217**: …That was awkward.

**TeaLeaves**: …Wow, Brambleclaw. Just, wow.

**KlutzySquirrel:** Brambleclaw, I have a confession to make. Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf aren't your kits.

**Claws_of_Fury**: …You filthy whore!

**KlutzySquirrel**: Brambleclaw, I-

**Claws_of_Fury**: Whose are they? Are they Ashfur's? They are, aren't they? OOH, I'M GOING TO KILL THAT-

**KlutzySquirrel**: They aren't my kits either! They're Crowfeather's and Leafpool's!

**Claws_of_Fury**: …Oh. You have upset me.

_Blindsided has logged on._

**Blindsided**: (Waves paw to use the Jedi Mind Trick.) You are not upset.

**Claws_of_Fury**: I am not upset.

**Blindsided**: You will bang your head on the keyboard.

**Claws_of_Fury**: (bangs head on keyboard.)hsagdrkefjfefnbebfo

**Blindsided**: You will now say, "I'm a pretty fairy!"

**Claws_of_Fury**: I'm a pretty fairy!

**Blindsided**: You. Will. DANCE.

_Claws_of_Fury has logged off to dance._

**TeaLeaves**: Squirrelflight, why do you date him?

**KlutzySquirrel**: Oh, you know…

**TeaLeaves**: No, I don't.

_TeaLeaves has logged off._

_KlutzySquirrel has logged off._

_LadiesMan217 has logged off._

**Blindsided**: Great. I'm all alone.

_Ashes_to_Ashes has logged on._

**Ashes_to_Ashes**: Jayfeather! Where's your mother?

**Blindsided**: At the bottom of the lake, right in the middle.

**Ashes_to_Ashes**: I shall avenge myself! This'll teach her to never cheat on Ashfur!

_Ashes_to_Ashes has logged off._

_Pwnage has logged on._

**Pwnage**: Have you seen Ashfur?

**Blindsided**: He's drowning in the middle of the lake. I think he broke into Leafpool's herb stores to get catmint again.

**Pwnage**: Sweet! I'm off to watch!

_Pwnage has logged off._

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged on._

**FrostytheSnowCat**: Listen up, you little freak! You're going to join the Dark Side, whether you like it or- hey, who messed up my screen name again?

**Timberwolf**: HA! Take that, Hawkfrost!

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged off to kill Wolf._

**Blindsided**: Not you again! I deal with you enough in your other story!

**Timberwolf**: Yes, it's me again. The authoress. Dang, Hawkfrost is here. Should I use the rocket launcher, the lightsaber, or the flamethrower?

**Blindsided**: Rocket launcher. Out of all of those, it's the most overkill.

**Timberwolf:** Thanks!

_Timberwolf has logged off to kill Hawkfrost AGAIN._

_Blindsided has logged off to watch._

* * *

**Wolf: Yay! Hey, has anyone else noticed how easy it is to give hilarious nicknames to villains by using puns? Especially Palpatine and Voldermort? I could makes lists several pages long for each! Like Poopatine, the wrinkled corpse, Moldywarts, and Riddly-poo! Anyways, review, or else zombies will come and eat Firestar and Brambleclaw! And if that doesn't work, then I'll keep doing that, until every Warrior is gone! Mwuahaha...I think all of the sugar I had earlier is going to my head.**


	4. Evil 'R' Us

****

Wolf: Yay, it's Chapter four! This is the evil people chapter, so I put in a lot of funny crap.

**Jayfeather: Oh joy.**

**Wolf: I don't own Warriors, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Hannah Montana, Starbucks, or Wal-mart. Nor do I own cake or cookies of any kind. Heck, I never even got a birthday cake…**

* * *

**Chapter Three: Evil 'R' Us.**

_EyeoftheTiger has logged on._

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged on._

_Psycho has logged on._

_Dorkstripe has logged on._

_BrokenNails has logged on._

**EyeoftheTiger**: This meeting of the Dark Forest will come to order! First order of business: what the heck happened to all of your names?

**Dorkstripe**: Wolf changed them, and we don't know how to change them back!

**Timberwolf**: Idiots!

**Dorkstripe**: Stop popping in randomly on conversations! So, the usernames will have to remain like this.

**FrostytheSnowCat**: Second order of business: WORLD DOMINATION!

**EyeoftheTiger**: Remember, Son, everything around the lake will be yours when we finally take control!

**FrostytheSnowCat**: What about the rest of the world? Can I have that, too?

**EyeoftheTiger**: No, that's all mine.

**FrostytheSnowCat**: I hate you.

_DarthHideous has logged on._

**DarthHideous**: Good! Let the hate flow through you!

**Timberwolf**: Get lost, Palpy-cakes! (grabs rocket launcher.)

_DarthHideous has logged off to run for his life._

**Psycho**: What about us? We want our own land!

**EyeoftheTiger**: You'll have the local Wal-Mart.

**Psycho**, **Dorkstripe**, and **BrokenNails**: WORKS FOR US!

**BrokenNails**: So how will we take over the world?

**EyeoftheTiger**: I am constructing a space station that has a laser capable of destroying planets. I call it a "Death Star."

**Timberwolf**: Rip-off!

**EyeoftheTiger**: Shut up!

_Riddle-dee-de has logged on._

**Riddle-dee-de**: T-star!

**EyeoftheTiger**: V-man!

**Riddle-dee-de**: So, I was at Starbucks, talking with some of my Death Eaters on how we were going to try and kill the Potter boy, right? And someone changed all of our IM screen names!

**EyeoftheTiger**: That was Wolf.

**Riddle-dee-de**: Dang! Do you think she'd leave me alone if I gave her Nagini?

**EyeoftheTiger**: I didn't think of that.

**Riddle-dee-de:** Oh, I have to go. Bellatrix is moaning about how she's on her period, and I really feel like putting her under the Cruciatus Curse. Ciao!

_Riddle-dee-de has logged off._

**Psycho**: You are on speaking terms with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?

**EyeoftheTiger**: …Yeah. Any other business we need to attend to?

**Dorkstripe**: Sir! I have discovered an incredible phenomenon! All you have to do is listen to her music and you'll undergo torture to your ears!

**EyeoftheTiger**: What is it?

**Dorkstripe**: Hannah Montana! Listening to an entire album of hers can put any living being into a coma, with a 98.7 percent succession rate!

**BrokenNails**: Wait a minute! We're cats! How do we IM, build space stations, or listen to music?

**EyeoftheTiger:** HE HAS DISCOVERED THE CONSPIRACY! KILL HIM!

**BrokenNails**: No, please! I-how did you get a chainsaw? Waill, I'll not tejdhfgkbrijdnbvkfldjbvfbgilfd

_BrokenNails has mysteriously logged off._

**EyeoftheTiger**: Meeting adjourned!

_EyeoftheTiger has logged off._

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged off._

_Psycho has logged off._

_Dorkstripe has logged off._

* * *

**Wolf: Well?**

**Jayfeather: If Voldermort gave you Nagini, would you leave him alone?**

**Wolf: No.**

**Jayfeather: Ha! You owe me five bucks!**

**Snape: (Pays Jayfeather five dollars.) How I lost a bet to a cat, I will never know.**

**Wolf: Review! And someone can guest star in the next chapter! Just tell me in your review what you would want to do, and you have to answer this question:**

**Who are my three favorite Harry Potter characters?**


	5. A Letter from the Ministry

**Wolf: Thanks you, all of my loyal reviewers! And congratulations to XxRandom NemesisxX and xXJedi Knight BlazeXx for being the two closest to guessing right! My three favorite characters are Fred, George, and Severus, but Tonks, Ron, and Sirius are close to them too.**

**Jayfeather: When you were talking, you seemed almost…normal. It's creepy.**

**Wolf: IT'S FALL BREAK! WOOT WOOT! I really want a popsicle…you know who is scary?**

**Jayfeather: Who?**

**Wolf: Santa Clause. He sneaks into peoples' houses through the freaking chimney, and everyone supposed to believe the only thing he does is put presents under a tree?**

**Jayfeather:…Santa Clause isn't real.**

**Wolf: I know, but don't tell the Hufflepuffs that! Yeah, yeah, I don't own Warriors, Harry Potter, 300, Star Wars, Chutes and Ladders, or Candyland.**

**Spiderleg- SpidaMan**

* * *

**Chapter 5: A Letter From the Ministry**

_Timberwolf has logged on._

_Blaze has logged on._

_Nemesis has logged on._

_Blindsided has logged on._

_HollyBerry has logged on._

**Blaze**: We are SCREWED!

**Blindsided**: Why?

**Timberwolf**: We'll show you!

_Wolf, Blaze, and Nemesis:_

_You have broken over fourty-seven Ministry of Magic laws in the past two days. Although they can be insufferable brats, none of you are permitted to attack Slytherin students with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's snake, Nagini. Seventeen students barely escaped with their lives, brutally maimed, twelve received minor injuries, and one was intoxicated. The intoxicated student attacked Minerva McGonagall and Flitwick, claiming that Draco Malfoy was his 'blonde little CENSORED.' We have no choice by to confine you all to St. Mungo's Mentally Unstable Ward indefinitely._

_The Ministry of Magic._

**HollyBerry**: Rulebreakers! Traitors to the Code! You all must die!

_HollyBerry has logged off to rant._

**Nemesis**: This is crap!

**Timberwolf**: This…is…SPARTA!!!

**Blaze**: Okaaay then…Is it Hollyleaf's time of month again?

**Blindsided**: Yup. She has it irregularly. It's really irritating. How in the name of StarClan did you get _his _snake?

**Nemesis**: Riddle-dee-de sent her to Wolf as a peace offering. It failed.

_SpidaMan has logged on._

_EyeoftheTiger has logged on._

_Riddle-dee-de has logegd on._

_DarthHideous has logged on._

**Blaze** and **Nemesis:** Hey guys remember us?

**SpidaMan**, **EyeoftheTiger**, **Riddle-dee-de**, and **DarthHideous**: Not you guys!

**Nemesis**: (Chases Tigerstar with a pitchfork.) Jab! Jab! Jab! Jab!

**EyeoftheTiger**: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

_EyeoftheTheTiger has logged off to lick his wounds._

_Nemesis has logged off to torture Tigerstar endlessly._

**Blaze**: Well, Spiderleg…guess what?

**SpidaMan**: …What?

**Blaze**: I just had twelve cups of coffee! (Presses button on remote.)

**SpidaMan**: LAVA!!!!!!!!!!! OMS!!!

_SpidaMan has logged off to burn in a volcano._

_Blaze has logged off to taunt Spiderleg._

**Timberwolf:** Hey, guess what else?

**Riddle-dee-de** and **DarthHideous**: Oh no…

**Timberwolf**: I HAD TWENTY-FOUR CUPS OF COFFEE! (Pulls out licorice whip and yellow light saber.)

**Riddle-dee-de:** No! (Hugs pink teddy bear.) Snuffleluffagus, help me!

**DarthHideous**: (Hugs his apprentice's cape.) Vader, I command you to help me!

**VadertheHater**: Never! (Throws Palpy-cakes into a volcano.) Now you know how I feel!

**Everyone**: WE GET IT!!!

_Timberwolf has logged off to torture Voldermort._

_Riddle-dee-de has logged off to cower in a corner with his pink teddy bear._

_DarthHideous has also logged off to cower in a corner._

_VadertheHater has logged off to kill Palpatine._

**Blindsided:** I'm alone AGAIN!

_Leathertail has logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

**Leathertail:** Lionblaze. Ugly as ever, I see.

**Pwnage:** Get lost, skank!

**Leathertail:** I hope a cockroach mothers your kits! Maybe they'll inherit all of her genes, and end up better looking than you!

**Pwnage:** Yeah, well, I'm not dating Breezepelt! You're dating a homo! And he's a freak of nature too! Guess that's one step up from where you're at on the food chain, though. He probably masks all of your horrifyingness.

**Leathertail:** I HATE YOU!

**Pwnage:** I HATE YOU TOO!

**Leathertail:** …Wanna make out now?

**Pwnage**: Of course! We always make out with each other after arguments!

_Leathertail has logged off to make out with Lionblaze._

_Pwnage has logged off to make out with Heathertail._

**Blindsided**: This day is so weird.

_Ferncloud_is_Hot has logged on._

_Dustpelt_is_Sexy has logged on._

**Ferncloud_is_Hot**: Hey there, kitty machine!

**Dustpelt_is_Sexy**: Hello, Dusty-Musty!

**Blindsided**: Eww, eww, eww, eww!

**Dustpelt_is_Sexy**: Get outta here, Jayfeather!

_Blindsided has logged off to vomit in dusgust._

**Dustpelt_is_Sexy**: So, we're all alone now…what do you want to do?

**Ferncloud_is_Hot**: Let's play Candyland! I call the blue piece!

_Dustpelt_is_Sexy has logged off to whine and moan about Dustpelt's 'immaturity.'_

**Ferncloud_is_Hot**: All right, then, fine, we can play Chutes and Ladders if you want, Ferncloud! Ferncloud? ...Ferncloud? Aww, dang!

_Ferncloud_is_Hot has logged off._

* * *

**Wolf: Halloween is tomorrow! Yay!**

**Jayfeather: Yay!**

**Anakin: Yay!**

**Palpy-cakes: Yay!**

**Anakin: YOU! (Activates light saber.)**

**Palpy-cakes: (Gulps.)**

**Wolf: Review! I'm not continuing until I have at least 60 reviews!**


	6. Those Cocky, Idiotic Toms

**Wolf: Woohoo! Chapter…this is chapter 6, right?**

**Hawkfrost: Duh.**

**Wolf: (Pulls out lightsaber.)**

**Hawkfrost: (Gulps and runs away.)**

**Wolf: I don't own Warriors, Gossip Girl, or Star Wars. I do not watch Gossip Girl, and I never will.**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Those Cocky, Idiotic Toms**

_ImSoBlue has logged on._

_ToothDecay has logged on._

_PolkaDots has logged on._

_FeatherDuster has logged on._

_SilverSurfer has logged on._

ImSoBlue: Welcome everybody!

ToothDecay: I don't feel very welcomed.

PolkaDots: Shut up, Yellowfang!

ToothDecay: Make me, Spottedleaf! You're not an important character, you died in the first book! I went to four books, baby! Take that!

SilverSurfer: WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP!

FeatherDuster: Mom's right. Shut up! What are we, Estrogen Alliance? The She-cat's PMS Cult? By the way, I went further than any of you.

ImSoBlue: Anyways, we are here to discuss the weapon of mass destruction currently in the sky. Tigerstar has built a "Death Star" and plans on using it to destroy ThunderClan. Not only that, but the Death Star is clogging up all of the sky space! We weren't able to build my new pool! Any ideas on how to stop him?

SilverSurfer: Graystripe and I once watched a movie like this. The Rebels had a young, inexperienced, hotshot pilot blow up the Death Star.

ImSoBlue: Someone fetch Firestar, Brambleclaw, Leafpool, and Jayfeather!

PolkaDots: Hang on.

_PolkaDots has logged off._

ToothDecay: So…what's new?

ImSoBlue: Ooh, I had Oakheart take the 'Which Gossip Girl character are you?' quiz! He's a Jenny!

SilverSurfer: OMS, no way!

ToothDecay: Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots.

_PolkaDots has logged on._

_AtomicFireball has logged on._

_Claws_of_Fury has logged on._

_TeaLeaves has logged on._

_Blindsided has logged on._

PolkaDots: Okay, I found them.

FeatherDuster: Hi, Brambleclaw!

Claws_of_Fury: Hey, Feathertail! What's up?

ToothDecay: Tigerstar is planning on blowing up ThunderClan with a weapon of mass destruction called a "Death Star."

AtomicFireball: Wow…_that's _convient.

Blindsided: So, you want a young, inexperienced hotshot pilot to destroy it?

SilverSurfer: How did you know?

Blindsided: I know everything.

SilverSurfer: Okay…know anyone we can use?

TeaLeaves: What qualities should we search for?

ImSoBlue: We'll need a few cocky, idiotic toms. Anyone come to mind?

AtomicFireball: I know exactly who you need.

_AtomicFireball has logged off._

FeatherDuster: Hey, does anyone want to take the 'Which Gossip Girl character are you?' quiz?

TeaLeaves: I do!

Claws_of_Fury: OMS, ME TOO!

ToothDecay: Like I said before. Idiots!

_AtomicFireball has logged on._

_ImTooSexyForMyShirt has logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

AtomicFireball: Lionblaze, Berrynose, I need you both to blow up the Death Star!

Pwnage: Of course!

ImTooSexyForMyShirt: That'll be easy!

ToothDecay: Lionblaze and Berrynose are your two cocky, idiotic toms?

AtomicFireball: Yes.

ToothDecay: You've chosen well. Now all we need is someone to be Chewbacca!

AtomicFireball: Jayfeather can do that.

Blindsided: But I'm blind!

AtomicFireball: Dang it, do you have the power of the stars or not? Besides, you said you now everything. That would be useful.

Blindsided: Oh yeah. Right.

ImTooSexyforMyShirt: So, I'll destroy the Death Star, and you can cover me!

Pwnage: No, I'll destroy it! What's up with your screen name anyways?

ImTooSexyforMyShirt: It says I'm too sexy for my shirt.

Pwnage: You don't wear a shirt!

ImTooSexyForMyShirt: Exactly!

ToothDecay: IDIOTS!

_Timberwolf has logged on._

Timberwolf: Lionblaze will destroy the Death Star. I LIKE JUICE!

ImTooSexyForMyShirt: Dang it!

Pwnage: Ha! I knew me and my ginormous biceps would defeat you!

_ImTooSextForMyShirt has logged off._

_Pwnage has logged off._

_Blindsided has logged off._

_AtomicFireball has logged off._

_ImSoBlue has logged off._

_SilverSufer has logged off._

_ToothDecay has logged off. _

_Polkadots has logged off._

FeatherDuster: I took the quiz! I was Serena!

TeaLeaves: I'm Blaire!

Claws_of_Fury: I'm Chuck!

_Ashes_to_Ashes has logged on._

Ashes_to_Ashes: hey guys!

TeaLeaves: We took a 'Which Gossip Girl character are you?' quiz! I'm Blaire!

Ashes_to_Ashes: OMS, I was Blaire too!

TeaLeaves: …

_TeaLeaves has logged off._

_Claws_of_Fury has logged off._

_FeatherDuster has logged off._

Ashes_to_Ashes: (Sings VERY off-key) Oh where, have my Clanmates all gone? Oh WHERE, oh WHERE can they beeeeeeeeee?

_HunteroftheNight has logged on._

Ashes_to_Ashes: Hello there! I took a 'Which Gossip Girl character are you?' quiz! I was Blaire, and so was Leafpool!

HunteroftheNight: LEAFPOOL MUST DIE!!!!!!!!

Ashes_to_Ashes: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Ashes_to_Ashes has logged off to cower in fear._

_HunteroftheNight has logged off to have murderous thoughts._

* * *

**Wolf: Bwuahahaha!**

**Jayfeather: You are laughing because you had candy, aren't you?**

**Wolf: How'd you know?**

**Jayfeather: I know everything.**

**Wolf: (shoves Jayfeather.) Show-off! **

**Jayfeather: Wanna know what else? They're coming for you...**

**Wolf: Who is it this time?**

**Jayfeather: The Ministry of Magic, remember?**

**Wolf: Crap...well, I'm off to hide in a deserted part of New Mexico. Review!**


	7. The Stick's Wrath

**Jayfeather: Well, here is the next chapter of the evil story.**

**Lionblaze: Where's Wolf?**

**Jayfeather: St. Mungo's Mentally Unstable Ward.**

**Hawkfrost: HA! (Is drowned in pool of hot chocolate.) What the Dark Forest? (Grabs Jayfeather.) Do you know how this happened?**

**Jayfeather: Of course. I know everything.**

**Hawkfrost: Will you tell me?**

**Jayfeather: I don't think so.**

**(Hawkfrost and Jayfeather begin fighting each other.)**

**Lionblaze: Err, Wolf doesn't own Warriors, Harry Potter, or Star Wars. (Helps Jayfeather.)**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: The Stick's Wrath**

_Blindsided had logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

_ImTooSexyForMyShirt has logged on._

_BadgersAreEvil has logged on._

_Leathertail has logged on._

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged on._

_Honey has logged on._

**Pwnage**: I did it! I did it!

**ImTooSexyForMyShirt**: Yeah, yeah, I get it. You blew up the Death Star. Don't rub it in!

**Leathertail**: Relax, Berrynose…you're hot!

**Pwnage**: He is not!

**Leathertail**: Yes he is!

**Pwnage**: Is not!

**Leathertail**: Is too!

**BadgersAreEvil**: OH, GET A ROOM ALREADY!

**WarirorCode4Eva**: Okay then…

**Blindsided**: Who are you?

**WarriorCode4Eva**: Hollyleaf. I changed my screen name to promote the preservation of the Warrior Code.

**Blindsided**: Honestly, we don't really care!

**WarriorCode4Eva**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The Warrior Code is everything!

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged off._

**Honey**: Yay, the nag is gone!

**ImTooSexyForMyShirt**: Why, hello there, Honeyfern.

**Honey:** Hello!

**Blindsided:** Oh, I got a letter from Wolf. Here it is:

_Yo Jayfeather,_

_Well, Saint Mungo's and the Ministry got me, Nemesis, and Blaze. Did you know they don't allow sugar or internet access here? THIS SUCKS! I need help! And not the kind of help they want to give me! Any advice on how to get out?_

_Wolf_

**Pwnage**: I can't think of anything.

**ImTooSexyForMyShirt:** Me neither.

**Honey:** Well…Berrynose!

**ImTooSexyForMyShirt**: Yeah?

**Honey**: Heathertail is right! You are hot!

**Blindsided:** Yeesh, I am glad I don't have a girlfriend!

**BadgersAreEvil:** But Jayfeather! It's good for toms to have girlfriends!

**Blindsided:** Yeah right! I have never been romantic with anyone in my life!

_Stick has logged on._

**Stick**: Jayfeather! Where have you been!

**Blindsided:** Uhh, blowing up a weapon of mass destruction. Who the heck is this?

**Stick**: Who do you think?

**Blindsided**: Oh no…

**Pwnage**: Wait a minute, is that that stick I helped you pull out of the lake?

**Stick**: Yes! I thought we were going to get coffee today!

**Blindsided**: GO AWAY, I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE!

**Leathertail**: (Bursts out laughing.)

**BadgersAreEvil:** Go away, stupid stalker stick!

**Stick:** Jayfeather, have you been cheating on me with this…this…freak?!

**BadgersAreEvil:** Well, you're a stick that can IM. I believe you're more freaky than me.

**Stick:** THAT'S IT!

_Stick has logged off to kill Cinderheart._

**Blindsided**: Thank you!

**BadgersAreEvil:** No problem. I don't know how the stick is going to kill me, though…

**Blindsided**: Who cares? Well, Cinderheart, I was-was-was….err…

**Pwnage:** HA! Jayfeather doesn't know how to ask out a girl!

**Blindsided:** It's not as easy as it looks!

**Pwnage:** Yes it is! Check this out! Heathertail, wanna go on a date by the lake?

**Leathertail:** Sure! Even though you're an idiot!

_Leathertail has logged off._

_Pwnage has logged off._

**BadgersAreEvil:** Err…bye.

_BadgersAreEvil has logged off._

**ImTooSexyForMyShirt**: Well, Jayfeather, I don't know what to say except…sucks to be you, loser! Come on, Honeyfern!

_ImTooSexyForMyShirt has logged off._

_Honey has logged off._

**Blindsided:** Why am I always alone?

_EyeoftheTiger has logged on._

**EyeoftheTiger**: Hello!

**Blindsided**: Err…are you going to try to convert me?

**EyeoftheTiger:** No. Why would I?

**Blindsided:** Because everyone else has.

**EyeoftheTiger:** No. I'm pretty ticked about the Death Star, though. However, I have begun to realize that being evil isn't that cool.

**Blindsided:** Say what?!

**EyeoftheTiger**: Yeah, I've realized I'm far better off without being some insane ghost lost in the Dark Forest. I've begun eating some vegan food, and I am also helping out a society of cats who have gum disease.

**Blindsided:** Seriously?

**EyeoftheTiger:** Yeah! As of now, I am only semi-evil.

**Blindsided:** Good. Because I need help. St. Mungo's caught Wolf, Nemesis, and Blaze. They're in the Mentally Unstable Ward. I don't know how to get them out!

**EyeoftheTiger**: Ooh, is this about Nagini?

**Blindsided:** How did you know?

**EyeoftheTiger:** Err…long story. I was there when Voldemort decided to give Nagini to Wolf…anyways, I have an idea. I'll write the letter now!

_EyeoftheTiger has logged off to write an evil genius letter._

_LadiesMan217 has logged on._

**LadiesMan217**: Hey Jayfeather!

**Blindsided:** Hi Dad! Listen…you're a ladies' man, right?

**LadiesMan217:** Well, duh. Didn't you see my screen name?

**Blindsided:** Well, no. I can't technically see anything, remember? Don't you know what blind means?

**LadiesMan217:** Oh yeah.

**Blindsided**: Well, I need help getting a girlfriend. It's the one thing I don't know how to do!

**LadiesMan217**: Ahh, you want to follow in your old man's footsteps! Well, anyways, just play it cool. Borrow lines from cheesy movies if you have to. If all else fails, remember…girls like jerks.

**Blindsided:** Seriously?

**LadiesMan217:** Yeah! Works every time! I called Nightcloud a freak of nautre, and she fell in love with me! Come to think of it, that was totally unintentional, so…ick, I hate that chick.

**Blindsided:** What happened to her, anyways?

**LadiesMan217**: She went to St. Mungo's Mentally Unstable Ward.

**Blindsided**: Oh no…poor Nightcloud.

**LaidesMan217**: WTDF?!?!?!

**Blindsided:** She's stuck with Wolf, Nemesis, and Blaze! They hate Nightcloud!

**LadiesMan217:** HA!

**Blindsided:** HA!

_LadiesMan217 has logged off._

_Blindsided has logged off._

* * *

**Jayfeather: Well, there was the evil chapter.**

**Tigerstar: I'll say.**

**Hawkfrost: Father, you traitor!**

**Tigerstar: Dang it! Why can't you just die already! My other son already killed you, and you just keep popping up!**

**Jayfeather: That's because idiocy never dies.**

**Tigerstar: (Taps furry knuckles with Jayfeather.)**

**Hawkfrost: (Begins fighting Tigerstar and Jayfeather again)**

**Hollyleaf: REVIEW! OR ELSE YOU'LL BE BREAKING THE CODE! OBEY THE CODE AT ALL COSTS! MWUAHAHAHA!**

**Cinderheart: Freak.**


	8. Return of the Psychos

**Wolf: Wahahahaha! Freedom!**

**Jayfeather: You're out of that place? Finally! How'd you do it?**

**Nemesis: We'll tell you later.**

**Wolf: (Starts jumping up and down, clapping to a beat.) Bacon and eggs! Bacon and eggs! Bacon and eggs!**

**Ashfur: Buncha freaks of nature.**

**Wolf and Nemesis: DIE, STUPID CHARACTERS!**

**Ashfur: AHHHHHH! (Hides in Vanishing Cabinet. Vanishing Cabinet transports him to Hogwarts.)**

**Ginny: Ah, it's some freak of nature!**

**Ashfur: Not again! (Is hit with a Bat Bogey Hex.)**

**Ginny: Take that! Are you another one of my stalkers?!**

**Ashfur: (Jumps into Vanishing Cabinet, which takes him to Japan.)**

**Creepy boy: Hey there! You up for some ice cream and Super Smash Bros? I brought my Wii remote!**

**Ashfur: NOOOOOOO!**

**Wolf: Hmm…I could go for some pie. Cinderheart will say the disclaimer.**

**Cinderheart: Fine! Wolf doesn't own Warriors, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Iron Man, Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, Hilary Duff, or Super Smash Bros! Nor does she own Chuck Norris. Heck, no one can own Chuck Norris. Nor can they pwn him.**

**Icepaw- SlipperyIce**

**Foxpaw- FoxyTom**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Return of the Psychos**

_AtomicFireball has logged on._

_SandyShores has logged on._

**AtomicFireball**: So…

**SandyShores**: I saw Lionblaze and that Heathertail chick making out by the tunnels today.

**AtomicFireball:** OMS! Did you stop them?

**SandyShores**: Nah, I let them go. Reminded me of Graystripe and Silverstream…dang, it starts so young!

**AtomicFireball:** Makes me feel old. All we are now is an old couple that talks about breakfast cereal!

**SandyShores:** Speaking of breakfast cereal, I had some Unlucky Charms today.

**AtomicFireball:** Those are delicious!

**SandyShores**: I know!

**AtomicFireball**: Frosted Dandruff Flakes are decent, too, and-WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IT AGAIN!

**SandyShores**: We need something interesting in our lives!

_LadiesMan217 has logged on._

_TeaLeaves has logged on._

**LadiesMan217**: I love you, Leafpool!

**TeaLeaves:** I love you too, Crowfeather! (Begins making out with Crowfeather, not noticing her parents.)

**SandyShores**: …

**LadiesMan217:** (Still doesn't notice Sandstorm or Firestar.)

**AtomicFireball**: …STOP MAKING OUT WITH MY DAUGHTER!

**TeaLeaves**: DAD!

**LadiesMan217**: Err…this is awkward.

**AtomicFireball**: What else are you hiding?

**TeaLeaves**: Well…

**LadiesMan217**: You see…

**TeaLeaves:** Lionblaze, Jayfeather, and Hollyleaf are our kits, too.

**AtomicFireball**: You have known this all this time, and you wait until just now to tell me?

**TeaLeaves:** Well, yes, but-

**AtomicFireball:** YOU ARE SO FIRED!!!

**TeaLeaves:** You can't fire me! I have withheld info from Jayfeather!

**AtomicFireball**: And what is that?!

**TeaLeaves**: The cure to ADD and ADHD!

**SandyShores:** Gasp!

_JellySpoons has logged onn._

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on._

**JellySpoons**: WE ARE SPARTA!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** The scissors are eating the salami!

**LadiesMan217**: WTDF?! Who are you two?

**JellySpoons**: I am…IRON MAN!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: I am your father!

**LadiesMan217**: That's not true…that's impossible!

**JellySpoons**: Well, it is impossible, because that's a girl you're talking to! This is Wolf.

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: And this is Nemesis!

_EyeoftheTiger has logged on._

**AtomicFireball:** AHH! It's Tigerstar!

**EyeoftheTiger**: Relax, man! I'm not going to bite!

**SandyShores**: …

**EyeoftheTiger:** So my plan worked?

**JellySpoons:** Yeah! Faking our sanity worked like a charm!

**EyeoftheTiger**: Where's Blaze? I thought she went with you?

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: Well, you see…

_Blaze has logged on._

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged on._

**Blaze**: DIE, HAWKFROST!

**FrostytheSnowCat**: Stay away, scary girl!

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged off._

_Blaze has logged off._

T**reeHuggingPitchfork**: Saint Mungo's was a nightmare! They had no pie!

**TeaLeaves:** Well, if you're all done, we'll be going right-

**AtomicFireball**: NOT SO FAST, YOUNG LADY! I know there is no cure for ADD and ADHD, just something that holds it off for a while!

**TeaLeaves**: You're talking about Ritalin, right?

**JellySpoons**: Ooh, it's the anti-happy drug! Those people are meanie-faces!

**LadiesMan217**: Okay, then…

**SandyShores**: I want a talk with our grandchildren. Do they know?

**LadiesMan217**: Yes.

_Blindsided has logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

**Pwnage:** (Shooting Jayfeather with giant water gun.) This is impossible, dude! How are you hitting me?

**Blindsided:** Because I am awesome. Not as awesome as Chuck Norris.

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: Dang straight!

**Blindsided**: Hey, you guys are back! How was therapy and the hospital?

**JellySpoons**: It was awful!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: It was some of the worst stuff we ever went through. Even worse than Hilary Duff music or broccoli. (Shudders.)

**AtomicFireball:** Anyways, Crowfeather…if you are serious about this commitment, then please tell me before you make any major decisions.

**LadiesMan217:** Leafpool and I want to open up a cheese store, and have our kits live with us.

**SandyShores**: But then we won't have a medicine cat! Who will give the apprentices their meds?

**JellySpoons:** MEDS ARE EVIL!

**LadiesMan217**: The apprentices need meds?

_FoxyTom has logged on._

_SlipperyIce has logged on._

**FoxyTom**: I HATE PRUNES!

**SlipperyIce**: OH YEAH?!

**FoxyTom**: YEAH!

**SlipperyIce:** WELL, I HATE YOUR MOM! OOH, BURN!

**FoxyTom**: WE'RE TWINS, YOU STUPID GENIUS!

_FoxyTom has logged to dance ballet._

_SlipperyIce has logged off to eat ketchup._

**LadiesMan217:** They're off the pill, today.

**TeaLeaves:** Yeah…

**JellySpoons:** I WILL CONQUER THE WORLD WITH SPOONS!

_JellySpoons has logged off to conquer the world with spoons._

**Pwnage:** Well, that explains a lot.

_DarthHideous has logged on._

**DarthHideous:** Hello!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: DIE, PALPY-CAKES!

_DarthHideous has logged off to run for his life._

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off to chase Palpatine._

**Blindsided**: She'll catch him.

**LadiesMan217**: How do you know?

**Blindsided**: Like I always say, I know everything.

**AtomicFireball**: If you know everything, then tell me why I caught Lionblaze and that Heathertail chick from WindClan making out!

**Pwnage**: Well…

_Pwange has logged off._

**Blindsided**: So…Firestar, Tigerstar.

**EyeoftheTiger**: Firestar, I am attempting to redeem myself. I have become a vegan, I help at the soup kitchen, and I am currently working with underprivileged needy kits with gum disease.

**AtomicFireball:** And why should I trust you?

**EyeoftheTiger:** I have soup.

**AtomicFireball:** WORKS FOR ME!

**SandyShores**: I don't need soup, I trust Jayfeather enough to believe you.

**Blindsided:** Aww, how touching.

_EyeoftheTiger has logged off._

_Blindsided has logged off._

**TeaLeaves:** Let's go open that cheese shop!

_TeaLeaves has logged off._

_LadiesMan217 has logged off._

**AtomicFireball:** So…

SandyShores: Life just got a whole lot more interesting.

_AtomicFireball has logged off._

_SandyShores has logged off._

* * *

**Wolf: Well, that was the long awaited chapter!**

**Jayfeather: I'll say!**

**Wolf: Review, or else the evil chicken zombies will eat you! Mwuahahaha!**


	9. Rigging Up the Lights

**Wolf: Hello peoples! Since I got so many reviews, I decided to update early! Happy almost Thanksgiving!**

**Jayfeather: Hello!**

**Graystripe: Hello!**

**Ashfur: Hello!**

**Brambleclaw: SHE-CAT THIEF! (Attacks Ashfur.)**

**Ashfur: NOOOOO! (Cowers from Brambleclaw.)**

**Wolf: I would like to clear up something. The zombie chickens are mine, and no one else's. They are loyal to me, and do what I tell them to. I don't own Warriors, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Wikipedia, or the song Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer.**

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Rigging Up the Lights**

_Blindsided has logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

**Pwange:** Jayfeather! The Christmas season is here! By the way, you are not all-knowing. I discovered the source of your information. Wikipedia! That was brilliant!

**Blindsided:** Err…thanks? I feel like singing Christmas carols.

**Pwnage:** Sing with me! (Begins to sing.) Oh, Grandma got ran over by a reindeer!

**Blindsided:** (Also sings.) Walking home to camp on Christmas Eve!

**Pwnage:** You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

**Blindsided**: But as for me and Grandpa-

**Pwnage**: WE BELIEVE!!!

_SandShores has logged on._

**Pwange**: And again! Oh, Grandma got ran over by a reindeer-

**SandyShores**: I HEARD THAT!

**Pwnage**: Ahh, it's Grandma! Err…I was singing about Grandma Ashfoot!

**SandyShores**: Of course you were. YOU HAVE UNLEASHED MY WRATH!

**Pwnage** and **Blindsided:** AHHHHHH!

_Pwnage has logged off to flee in fright._

_Blindsided has logged off to cower in the tunnels._

**SandyShores**: Works every time.

_AtomicFireball has logged on._

**AtomicFireball**: I just saw Lionblaze and Jayfeather running for their lives. Have you scared cats out of their wits again?

**SandyShores**: Please. You know me. I like the 'nice old grandma' route. What's up?

**AtomicFireball**: I'm trying to rig up Christmas lights around the High Ledge.

**SandyShores**: And how is that working out?

**AtomicFireball:** CRAPPY!

_TeaLeaves has logged on._

**TeaLeaves:** Mom, Jayfeather started his job as the new medicine cat, right?

**SandyShores**: He…took the day off.

**TeaLeaves:** That lazy bum! I need Lionblaze. Crowfeather has to run some errands, and I can't work the cheese shop alone. Earlier Wolf came in, and began smelling the gouda. Then she bought a whole wheel of Swiss, ate it all, and just left! Later on, Nemesis ran inside, screaming that she had cake mix. Hawkfrost's Ghost tried to buy some sharp cheddar, but I curtly told him that we don't serve psychotic lunatics with flea brains.

**SandyShores**: LOL. Nice. Yeah, Lionblaze took the day off.

**TeaLeaves**: (Becomes suspicious.) Did you scare them?

**SandyShores:** What? Well, I never!

**AtomicFireball:** NOW WHY THE DARK FOREST ARE THEY ALL BLINKING?!?!

**TeaLeaves:** What's wrong with Dad?!

**SandyShores:** He's trying to put of Christmas lights.

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged on._

**WarriorCode4Eva:** This is preposterous! According to Appendix B, Section 5, Line 8, Word 3, 'the.' In other words, PUTTING CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP **IS AGAINST THE CODE!**

**TeaLeaves**: Why, oh why, did I have to get a spazz for a daughter?

**AtomicFireball:** WHERE ARE THOSE EXTENSION CORDS? GRAYSTRIPE!

_Super Stripe has logged on._

**Super Stripe**: It's Super Graystripe! The character who is _really _getting all the jobs done! What's up, dudes?

**AtomicFireball:** I can't put up these Christmas lights!

**Super Stripe**: No problem! I'll help! Super Graystripe to the rescue!

**WarriorCode4Eva**: No! The Code says cats can't become superheroes!

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged off._

_JellySpoons has logged on._

**JellySpoons:** If you can read this, you don't need glasses.

_JellySpoons has logged off._

**SandyShores**: That chick is so weird.

_Blindsided has logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

**Blindsided**: …Is she gone?

**Pwnage**: (Doesn't notice Sandstorm.) I think so.

**Blindsided:** Ooh, what a relief!

**Pwnage:** Thank StarClan! I thought Grandma was going to kill us with her basilisk glare!

**TeaLeaves:** I knew it, Mom! You did scare them!

**Blindsided:** IT'S MOM AND GRANDMA!

**Pwnage:** RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

_Pwnage has logged off to hide._

_Blindsided has logged off to hide._

**AtomicFireball**: GREAT! IF ONE LIGHT GOES OFF, THEY ALL GO OFF!

**Super Stripe**: I can't figure out this stuff for the life of me!

_SilverSurfer has logged on._

**SilverSurfer**: Hey, Graystripe.

**Super Stripe:** Go away, Millie! I'm helping Firestar put up Christmas lights!

_SilverSurfer has logged off to rant about stupid toms._

**TeaLeaves:** …That was Silverstream.

**Super Stripe:** Oh, (Insert swear word of your choice here.)

_Super Stripe has logged off to find Silverstream._

**AtomicFireball**: Hey, he just left me like this! (Is all tangled up in lights and cords.)

**TeaLeaves:** Oh look, it's a customer!

_TeaLeaves has logged off._

_Blaze has logged on._

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged on._

**FrostytheSnowCat**: You Meanie!

**Blaze:** Meanie? That's the best you got?

**FrostytheSnowCat**: You drenched me in honey, then locked me in a room with bees and the ghost of Jar Jar!

**Blaze:** And it was hilarious!

_Blaze has logged off to laugh._

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged off to cry._

_JellySpoons has logged on._

**JellySpoons**: Hey, I'm Santa Clause! Ho freaking ho!

_JellySpoons has logged off._

**SandyShores:** It's the invasion of weirdos!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on._

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: My cheese laser is almost complete! Bwuahahaha!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off._

**SandyShores:** Oh, snap. I'm pretty sure Nemesis was Leafpool's customer.

**AtomicFireball:** WHAT DID YOU SAY? I WASN'T LISTENING!

**SandyShores:** Whatever!

_SandyShores has logged off._

**AtomicFireball:** Well, my work is complete! Now all I have to do is turn them on!

(Turns on Christmas lights. Lights all explode.)

**AtomicFireball:** OH COME ON!

_AtomicFireball has logged off._

* * *

**Wolf: Done! What did you think?**

**Jayfeather: Finally, we have escaped Sandstorm!**

**Lionblaze: What a relief.**

**Sandstorm: I'm right here!**

**Lionblaze and Jayfeather: AHHHHH! (Hide in Nebraska.)**

**Sandstorm: Darn it all to the pits of the Dark Forest! Oh well.**

**Wolf: Review! Remember, I still have my zombie chickens!**

**By the way, here are the most important pairings in this story: FirexSand, HeatherxLion, JayxCinder, and LeafxCrow.**

**And here is a list to some of the funny crap so far, for all fo those who like to skip over chapters: Jayfeather pretends he knows everything, Tigerstar is a vegan, Lionblaze and Heathertail are always fighting, Jayfeather can't ask out girls, the Stick is clingy, Firestar and Sandstorm are an old couple who like to talk about cereal, Leafpool and Crowfeather open up a cheese shop, Lionblaze, Berrynose, and Jayfeather blow up the Death Star, Dustpelt and Ferncloud are creepy, Nightcloud went to the Mentally Unstable Ward of St. Mungo's, StarClan always argue, the Dark Forest cats are idiots, Foxpaw and Icepaw have to take medications for insanity, and psycho authoresses are always doing something crazy!**

**Dang, that's a lot of stuff!**


	10. I LIKE ICE CREAM!

**Wolf: Wahahahaha! Guess what everyone? …I'm creating a SPIN-OFF! Yeah! You'll see what it is about in this chapter!**

**Jayfeather: Hooray!**

**Lionblaze: Hooray!**

**Hawkfrost: No!**

**Lionblaze: (To Hawkfrost) Die again, you stupid nincompoop! (Attacks Hawkfrost.)**

**Wolf: I don't own Warriors, Star Wars, the Bananaphone song, Nemesis, or Dairy Queen.**

**Chapter Ten: I LIKE ICE CREAM!!!**

* * *

_Pwnage has logged on._

_EyeoftheTiger has logged on._

_Blindsided has logged on._

Blindsided: Phew…I think we outran Grandma!

Pwnage: What a relief!

_SandyShores has logged on._

Pwnage: I swear, that she-cat has some major issues! All cranky and…you know. Maybe she'll really get hit by a reindeer.

Blindsided: Err, Lionblaze…

Pwange: Whatever! I'm not finished, Jayfeather! She needs to get out, and find some friends! Maybe they can all be cranky together, in their old lady books clubs and-

SandyShores: Hello, Lionblaze. I am not in a book club. Nor do I ever plan on joining one.

Pwnage: AHHHHHHH!

_Pwnage has logged off to hide from his scary grandmother._

EyeoftheTiger: Hey Jayfeather?

Blindsided: Yeah?

EyeoftheTiger: Well, I've dropped the vegan diet-

SandyShores: That's a relief!

EyeoftheTiger: And now, I'm opening an ice cream shop.

_JellySpoons has logged on._

JellySpoons: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold the banana phone! Tigerstar is opening an ice cream shop?!

EyeoftheTiger: To be specific, I'm opening a Dairy Queen.

JellySpoons: HA HA HA HA HA! That's hilarious! The evil Tigerstar, delivering ice cream to all of the happy little children!

EyeoftheTiger: Shut up, Wolf!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on._

_AtomicFireball has logged on._

TreeHuggingPitchfork: What's this I hear? Tigerstar is opening a Dairy Queen? LOL!

EyeoftheTiger: Grr…

AtomicFireball: Hi Sandstorm!

SandyShores: Where have you been?!

AtomicFireball: Well, I decided to give up on putting up the lights. I let the apprentices do it.

SandShores: And?

AtomicFireball: Now I'm finding a tree with Graystripe!

TreeHuggingPitchfork: Wolf! Sing with me! Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring-

JellySpoons: BANANA PHONE!!! And by the way, I LIKE ICE CREAM!!!

_JellySpoons has logged off._

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off._

SandyShores: Anyways, Firestar, how is your tree search working out?

AtomicFireball: NO, GRAYSTRIPE! WE CAN'T CUT DOWN THAT TREE! THAT'S THE SHADOWCLAN PEE TREE! THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM ON THAT TREE!

SandyShores: Great StarClan!

EyeoftheTiger: Anyways…Jayfeather, do you want to work the drive-thru at my Dairy Queen?

Blindsided: Of course! I'm sure Lionblaze will work too!

AtomicFireball: NO, GRAYSTRIPE! I LIKE THIS TREE! AND THAT ONE HAS INITIALS CARVED INTO IT!

SandyShores: Whose initials?

AtomicFireball: Let's see…it says "H.F. and B.S Forever." Hmm…why do those initials seem familiar?

SandyShores: Uhh…let's forget about those?

Bindsided: Ha! B.S! That's hilarious! And…wait a minute! B.S. is Blackstar, and S.S. is-

SandyShores: HAHAHAHAHA! Hawkfrost!

EyeoftheTiger: No way! That's awesome! And it's great blackmail material! Although I know for a fact that Hawkfrost isn't…erm, well, you know. Hawkfrost once thought Hollyleaf was hot.

Blindsided: Eww!

AtomicFireball: GRAYSTRIPE! WE CAN'T TAKE THAT TREE! IT BELONGS TO THE EVIL POPSICLE!

SandyShores: What evil popsicle?

Blindsided: Should I even ask?

EyeoftheTiger: I don't think we should ask, no.

AtomicFireball: THAT'S IT! WE'RE BUYING A PLASTIC TREE! AND THAT'S MY FINAL DECISION!

_AtomicFireball has logged off to scream in frustration._

_SnadyShores has logged off to help Firestar._

EyeoftheTiger: See you in a few days at the grand opening, Jayfeather!

_EyeoftheTiger has logged off._

_Blindsided has logged off._

_Pwnage has logged on._

Pwnage: Oh, thank StarClan! Grandma is gone!

_HunteroftheNight has logged on._

HunteroftheNight: I WILL KILL LEAFPOOL WITH A ROUND, WOODEN SPOON!!!

_Pwnage has logged off to hide from the icky Nightcloud._

_HunteroftheNight has logged off to plot against Leafpool._

* * *

**Wolf: Well, the spin-off is about the Dairy Queen. So far, the employees are Tigerstar, Jayfeather, Lionblaze, Cinderheart, and Heathertail. Let me know if you want anyone else to work!**

**Lionblaze: Yay! I get to work with Heathertail!**

**Heathertail: Lionblaze, you are a filthy, rotton cockroach!**

**Lionblaze: You meanie-face! (Cries.)**

**Wolf: Review! Or else my super army of the zombie chickens will eat your brains! **

**Jayfeather: How is your army? **

**Wolf: It has doubled in size!**

**Hollyleaf: Anyways, REVIEW!! OBEY THE WORD OF THE AUTHORESS AND THE WARRIOR CODE OR DIE!! ON SECOND THOUGHT, ONLY OBEY THE CODE!!**

**Wolf: No! (Waves fingers in Jedi Mind trick.) You will review!**


	11. Root Beer and Christmas Cards

**Wolf: To the person who asked if I was dead, here's your answer: Oh yes, I'm really dead, and I have come back form the grave to HAUNT YOU! BWUAHAHAHA!!! Oh yeah, Warriors Work At Dairy Queen was published a few days ago, so for all of those who are interested, check it out!**

**Lionblaze: Uhh, my head!**

**Wolf: What happened?**

**Lionblaze: (Passes out.)**

**Wolf: Sigh..I don't own Warriors, Harry Potter, Potter Puppet Pals, Hannah Montana, Nemesis, or any of the songs in this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Root Beer and Christmas Cards**

_Pwnage has logged on._

_Blindsided had logged on._

**Pwnage**: My head is killing me…

**Blindsided:** I still can't believe you got a hangover from drinking ROOT BEER!!!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on._

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** I'M A POTATO!

**Pwnage:** WTDF?!?!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off._

_PotionsMaster has logged on._

**Pwnage**: Who the Dark Forest are you?

**PotionsMaster:** Five points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter.

**Pwnage:** Uhh, I'm Lionblaze, not this Potter chick.

**PotionsMaster**: Oh. I had assumed you were someone else due to your ridiculous screen name.

**Blindsided**: Do I know you?

**PotionsMaster**: I don't know.

_AtomicFireball has logged on._

**AtomicFireball:** I can't take this anymore! If I have to send another Christmas card, I'll die! I do NOT want to send a Christmas card to Blackstar, but NO, Sandstorm says it'll improve the relationships between the Clans!

**PotionsMaster:** …

**AtomicFireball**: OMS, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

**PotionsMaster:** Oh, really?

**AtomicFireball:** You're Hannah Montana!

**PotionsMaster**: I am most cetainly NOT!!!

_JellySpoons has logged on._

**JellySpoons:** Hiya, Severus!

**PotionsMaster**: NOT YOU!!!

**JellySpoons:** (Sings in strange voice.) Snape, Snape, Severus Snape…

**Blindsided:** Oh, that's who you are!

**JellySpoons:** Snape, Snape, Severus Snape-

**AtomicFireball:** Dumbledore!

**PotionsMaster:** (Twitches angrily.)

**JellySpoons:** All right, I'll stop. I don't want to die from a pipe bomb.

**PotionsMaster**: Finally!

**JellySpoons**: Even though you're my third favorite Harry Potter character, I still enjoy torturing you so…GA GA, OOH MA MA! GA GA, OOH LA LA!

**Blindsided:** What is that supposed to mean?

**JellySpoons:** No idea.

_LadiesMan217 has logged on._

**LadiesMan217:** (Cowers in fear.)

**Pwnage:** What's eating you?!

_TeaLeaves has logged on._

**TeaLeaves:** Crowfeather, how could you eat the whole wheel of cheese?!

**LadiesMan217**: Leafpool, I-

**LadiesMan217:** QUIET! NOW GET YOUR BUTT BACK HOME OR ELSE I'LL SHOVE THIS BUTCHER KNIFE UP YOUR HOLE!!!

**AtomicFireball**: Oh snap!

**Blidnsided:** (Grins evilly.) Oh Snape!

**JellySpoons:** SNAPE!!! (Sings.) Snape, Snape, Severus Snape!

**PotionsMaster:** SHUT UP!!! _SECTUMSEMPRA!!!_ (Curse flies at Wolf.)

_PotionsMaster has logged off to kill Wolf._

_JellySpoons has logged off to bother Severus Snape._

_LadiesMan217 has logged off to run for his life._

_TeaLeaves has logged off to shove a butcher knife up Crowfeather's hole._

**AtomicFireball:** Shouldn't you guys stop your parents?

**Pwnage:** Nah, let's let them go for a few minutes. This should be interesting…

_Pwnage has logged off to laugh his head off._

_Blindsided has logged off to eat the other wheels of cheese._

**AtomicFireball:** SCREW THESE CHRISTMAS CARDS! I NEED SOME COFFEE!

_AtomicFireball has logged off to chug some coffee._

* * *

**Wolf: Dun, dun, dun…**

**Jayfeather: So, you're still alive!**

**Wolf: Oh please! Why would I get killed in my own story?**

**Jayfeather: What story?**

**Wolf: Err, Nothing! Eh he he... Review, or face my army of zombie chickens!**


	12. Of Fruitcakes and Dinosaurs

**Wolf: Sorry about the wait! I had homework and I was on vacation in Tennessee.**

**Jayfeather: So you're seriously writing a belated Christmas chapter?**

**Wolf: (Shorts.) Yeah, but there's nothing serious about it. I don't own Warriors, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Spam, any of the songs in this chapter, or the fanfiction author xXRandom NemesisXx.**

**Chapter 12: Of Fruitcakes and Dinosaurs**

_Blindsided has logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged on._

_LadiesMan217 has logged on._

_TeaLeaves has logged on._

_AtomicFireball has logged on._

_SandyShores has logged on._

_KlutzySquirrel has logged on._

_Claws_of_Fury has logged on._

_JellySpoons has logged on._

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on._

**Claws_of_Fury**: OMS, it's Christmas! Ooh, I hope I get a pony!

**TeaLeaves**: (To Squirrelflight.) I still don't know what you see in him.

**KlutzySquirrel**: I don't really want to answer that, Leafpool.

**Blindsided**: So, does anyone want to sing carols?

**Pwnage**: Oh, Grandma got run over by a reindeer-

**SandyShores:** Lionblaze, if you sing that song one more time, I SWEAR I WILL SHOVE THIS STRING OF TINSEL UP YOUR **CENSORED.**

**Pwnage:** (Cowers behind Hollyleaf.)

**WarriorCode4Eva:** Cowering is against the code, traitor! YOU FILTHY HALF-BLOOD!

**Blindsided**: …Where did that come from?

**AtomicFireball**: She was watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix earlier. I think Bellatrix Lestrange has become her role model.

**Pwnage**: (Now cowering behind Squirrelflight.) Again with this Harry Potter chick! Who the Dark Forest is she?

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: Do not insult Harry, you stupid rat! Or I'll beat you with a wicked bat!

**JellySpoons**: Nemesis is talking in rhyme again. I LIKE TACOS!

**Blindsided:** I can see that, Wolf.

**JellySpoons:** No offense, Jayfeather, but you can't really see anything. You're blind, you imbecile.

**AtomicFireball:** Waah! (Holds up badly-knitted pink sweater.) Leafpool, give it up! You can't sew to save your life! (Sobs.)

**SandyShores:** Firestar, what's wrong?

**AtomicFireball**: Not only is my daughter a FAILURE, but I didn't get any fruitcake this year!

**JellySpoons**: You want fruitcake? Don't worry, Sarge, I've got you covered!

_JellySpoons has logged off._

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Wolf is gone, so be afraid! She'll drown you all in lemonade!

**Pwnage:** That was a pretty good rhyme.

**WarriorCode4Eva:** (Pages through the Warrior Code book.) There's gotta be something in here that forbids rhyming!

**LadiesMan217:** If that were true, kid, no rap music would exist.

**WarriorCode4Eva:** Don't call me kid! I am not an insolent child, but a follower of the Dark Lord! (Holds up leg with a pencil drawing of the Dark Mark.) See?

**Blindsided**: Hollyleaf, you're not a dark witch.

**WarriorCode4Eva:** Oh really? CRUCIO! (Nothing happens.) Well then, I'll just become a Sith Lord.

_DarthHideous has logged on._

**DarthHideous:** Hello, my new apprentice.

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** I looked up from my delicious pie. It was Palpatine, HE MUST DIE!

**Darth Hideous**: OH **CENSORED, **it's that **CENSORED.**

_DarthHideous has logged off to run for his life._

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** That trick works every single time. I will always hate the creepy mime!

**Pwnage:** Okay then…sweet! I got a paintball gun from Uncle Brambleclaw! (Shoots Crowfeather.)

**LadiesMan217**: Ow! What was that for?

**Pwnage:** I got a paintball gun, and had the supreme urge to shoot you.

**LadiesMan217:** (Opens up package.) Oh yeah? Well, I got a flamethrower, and I have the supreme urge to shoot it, too!

**Pwnage**: OH, DARK FOREST!

_Pwnage has logged off to cower in fear._

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Lionblaze is not a macho man. He's more like Spam within a can.

**Blindsided:** Brilliant.

_JellySpoons has logged on._

_Fluffy_Pussycat has logged on._

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged on._

_Ferret_Boy has logged on._

**JellySpoons**: Firestar, may I present you with fruitcakes!

**AtomicFireball**: Ashfur and Hakwfrost, and Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter series?

**JellySpoons:** (Snickers.) Yeah!

**WarriorCode4Eva**: At last, another dark wizard! Hello, Draco!

**Blindsided:** Hollyleaf, please shut up.

**WarriorCode4Eva:** YOU SHUT UP! FILTH! TRAITOR TO THE CODE! MUDBLOOD!

**Blindsided:** Whatever.(Bursts out laughing at the fruitcakes.)

**Fluffy_Pussycat**: Aww, cheese doodles! Someone changed my screen name!

**SandyShores:** …Cheese doodles?

**TeaLeaves:** Squirrelflight, it's not just Brambleclaw. You have bad luck with pathetic toms.

**KlutzySquirrel:** Don't rub it in, okay?

**Ferret_Boy:** Where am I? And why was I just called a fruitcake?

**LadiesMan217**: Well, you see…

**Claws_of_Fury**: The crazy lady is calling you either homosexual or feminine.

**JellySpoons:** Dang right I am. If you'll excuse me, I need to conquer the world with spoons, zombie chickens, and rainbow dinosaurs.

**TeaLeaves**: Dinosaurs can't be rainbow colored, Wolf!

**JellySpoons:** THEY CAN IN MY STORY!

_JellySpoons has logged off to conquer the world with spoons, zombie chickens, and rainbow dinosaurs._

**FrostytheSnowCat**: I AM NOT GAY OR FEMININE!

**Claws_of_Fury:** Yeah you are. You wanted to kill Leapoardstar and Mistyfoot so you could rule over those yummy toms and have them for yourself.

**KltuzySquirrel:** See, Leafpool? My mate may be…odd, but he has a brain!

**TeaLeaves:** I do agree with you. That made sense. Shall we go get a cup of coffee?

_KlutzySquirrel has logged off to get some coffee._

_TeaLeaves has also logged off to get some coffee._

_Claws_of_Fury has logged off to join Squirrelflight._

**Ferret_Boy:** My father would demolish you people! If only my father were here.

**LadiesMan217**: Hmm…Draco Malfoy has always been my least favorite character in the series, and my flamethrower is practically begging to be unleashed…oh, what the heck.

_LadiesMan217 has logged off._

**Blindsided:** Hollyleaf, for the last time, you are not a dark witch or a Sith Lord!

**WarriorCode4Eva:** Leafpool never told you what happened to your father!

**Blindsided:** Yes she did. Crowfeather is our father.

**WarriorCode4Eva:** No, _I _am your father.

**Blindsided**: …Screw this. I'm off to get some Christmas cookies.

_Blindsided has logged off._

**Ferret_Boy:** (To Hollyleaf.) So, you're a dark sider?

**WarriorCode4Eva:** That's right.

**Ferret_Boy:** Perfect. Mwuahahaha…Hey, why is there a cat here in my room?

**WarriorCode4Eva:** What does the cat look like?

**Ferret_Boy**: He's thin and gray and-Butter biscuits, where in the name of Merlin did he get that flamethrower? …That's strange, Iw onder how he's even holding it with thumbs. He probsjfbjdebfbrjgvfngktfgn

_Ferret_Boy has been disconnected._

_LadiesMan217 has logged on._

**LadiesMan217:** I got him.

_LadiesMan217 has logged off._

**WarriorCode4Eva:** I will destroy you all! MUDBLOODS AND BLOOD TRAITORS!

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged off._

**Fluffy_Pussycat:** Tater skins, I left my homemade muffins in the stove! Oh, I should probably g2g. I need to make darling floral arrangements.

**FrostytheSnowCat**: OMS, I'll join you!

_Fluffy_Pussycat has logged off._

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged off._

**SandyShores:** Firestar, you got your fruitcakes. Are you happy now!

**AtomicFireball:** You bet I am! I even managed to put up all of the decorations in time!

**SandyShores**: Now we have to take them back down again.

AtomicFireball: …I hate my life.

_AtomicFireball has logged off._

_SandyShores has logged off._

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Twas a scary event, Christmas was. Every little critter was abuzz! Psychos and sane cats and fruitcakes alike were all celebrating Christmas night! But soon they would be fleeing in terror, for they will face Hawkfrost's dirty underwear!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** ...Or something like that. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! Mwuahahahaha!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off._

**Wolf: Merry belated Christmas, and happy 2010! **

**And thanks to my countless reviewers! You're the Pop to my Tart! (I don't own Pop-Tarts, by the way. I put a disclaimer on everything.)**


	13. The Loooove Doctor

**Wolf: Wahahaha! Anyways, I've decided to conduct an expermient. Post apple if you've read this:**

**Are you in an unhealthy relationship with pie? Do you find pie addictive? Well, then, TOO BAD. There's nothing I can do about it. (Post donut if you **_**really **_**read this.) Now, I'm off to eat some pie.**

**Lionblaze: I WANT PIE!**

**Nemesis: ME TOO!**

**Wolf: And another thing- I have a plot hole in my stories! Caffeine doesn't make me hyper, it calms me down. But I've been saying it makes me hyper! Oh well. I don't own Warriors, Star Wars, Harry Potter, James Bond, or any of the songs in this story.**

**Chapter Thirteen: The Loooove Doctor**

* * *

_Blindsided has logged on._

_BadgersAreEvil has logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

**Blindsided**: The name's Feather. Jayfeather. I prefer to be shaken, not stirred.

**Pwange**: Dude, that's just sick. I'm your brother!

**Blindsided**: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU, LIONBLAZE!

**BadgersAreEvil:** ...Sorry, Jayfeather. I don't date losers.

**Pwange:** Would you take me instead?

**BadersAreEvil:** Didn't you just read my message? I said I don't date losers. That includes you, dipstick.

_BadgersAreEvil has logged off._

_LadiesMan217 has logged on._

**LadiesMan217**: Did my tips worked?

**Blindsided**: No! She didn't understand the reference to James Bond!

**LadiesMan217**: Darn! I'll be back. I'll think of more ideas.

_LadiesMan217 has logged off._

_Leathertail has logged on._

**Leathertail**: Oh, joy. It's the conceited wiener.

**Pwange**: Shut your filthy mouth!

**Leathertail**: My mouth is 100% sanitary, thank you very much!

**Pwnage**: It can't be! From all of the toms you've Frenched, I find that unlikely!

**Leathertail**: YOU'RE DESPICABLE!

_JellySpoons has logged on._

**Pwnage**: (Not realizing Wolf is there.) You're a dumb blond with bad fur!

**Leathertail**: (Also doesn't notice Wolf.) Why don't you go to St. Mungo's and get a brain transplant?!

**Pwnage:** MAYBE I WILL!

**Leathertail:** FINE!

_Leathertail has logged off to plot an assassination/murder._

**JellySpoons**: (Sings.) All you need is love! All you need is love! All you need is love, love! Love is all you need!

**Pwange**: I'm not in love with Heathertail!

**Blindsided**: Yes, you are.

**Pwnage**: Am not!

**JellySpoons**: Are too!

**Pwnage:** Am not!

**Blindsided:** Are too!

**Pwnage:** ...Okay, you're right. Heathertail is the most beautiful and hottest thing on the planet.

**JellySpoons**: This is one of the most unhealthiest relationships in young adult literature history. Trust me, I know about bad relationships.

**Pwnage**: You do?

**JellySpoons**: Think of it like a pie buffet. You're just going crazy over how much pie there is, stuffing your face...and a few weeks later, you end with a potbelly the size of Jabba the Hutt.

**Blindsided:** I don't get it.

**JellySpoons**: And you! You're so awkward! Jar Jar Binks could get a girlfriend before you could, with all of your stuttering!

**Pwnage:** How did you learn so much about girls?

**JellySpoons**: I am a girl, genius.

**Blindsided:** Really? I hadn't noticed?

**JellySpoons**: Shut your trap before I throw you into a bowl of flaming hot tomato soup, beat you with a cheese grater, and hurl you down a size full of dull razorblades.

**Blindsided**: Okay...that sounds painful.

**JellySpoons**: Now, if you really want a girlfriend, don't listen to a word Crowfeathe rsays. He's an old geezer. Here's what you do...

* * *

_**Three days later...**_

**

* * *

**

**Pwnage:** We're insane for doing this. Wolf could just be messing with us. She's done it before!

**Blindsided**: Wolf wouldn't hurt her favorite Warriors character. Trust me.

_Bananakin has logged on._

**Bananakin**: Wolf told me you guys were trying to pick up two girls. She also said I should watch, since I suck with pick-up lines.

**Pwnage:** ANAKIN SKYWALKER! You're right, your pick-up lines do suck. 'I don't like sand.' What were you thinking?

**Blindsided:** You know who Anakin Skywalker is, but you don't have a single clue as to who the heck Harry Potter is?

**Pwnage**: Well, who is she?

**Bananakin**: (Quickly clamps Lionblaze's moth shut.) Shut up! If Wolf hears you insult Harry (Who isn't a girl) or anyone else, she'll boil you, mash you, stick you in a stew!

**Pwnage**: OOH, I LOVE POTATOES!

**Blindsided**: ...Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots.

**Banankin:** I LIKE BANANAS! TEE HEE! AND THE LIZARD IS WEARING SHORT SHORTS!

**Pwnage:** What's he talking about?

**Blindsided:** Rumor has it Anakin drank some Insanity Potion.

_JellySpoons has logged on._

_BadgersAreEvil has logged on._

_Leathertail has logged on._

**BadgersAreEvil**: Wolf demanded we log on.

**Leathertail:** Pushy much?

**Pwange:** (Gulps.) Jayfeather! Start the music!

**Blindsided:** (Starts music and does weird tap dance, singing strangely.) RAH, RAH, AH, AH, AH! ROMAH, RO MAH, MAH! GA, GA, OOH LA LA!DA DAH RUH ROMANCE!

**Pwange:** (Singing.) I WANT YOUR LOVE AND I WANT YOUR REVENGE! YOU AND ME, CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE!

**Blindsided**: OH, WHOOAH, OH!

**Pwnage**: I WANT YOUR LOVE AND I WANT YOUR REVENGE! YOU AND ME, CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE!

**JellySpoons:** You nincompoops! I told you guys, don't sing that song! You were supposed to do the salsa dance with that one song that goes "HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!"

**BadgersAreEvil:** Wait! All of this was an attempt to get us to like you guys?

**Pwnage:** Well, will you guys go out with us?

**BadersAreEvil**: ...

**Leathertail**: ...

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on._

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: PICKLES!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off._

**Leathertail**: ...Fine. I'll go out with you. But don't tell Onestar. That evil dictator will murder me if he found out I was dating a fruitcake.

**Pwnage**: Hey! If you're my she-catfriend, you can't always call me names!

**Leathertail:** Old habits die hard, I guess.

**BadgersAreEvil**: And Jayfeather, your mom will be okay with this, right? Because I say yes!

**Blindsided:** Mom will be fine, but I don't know about Grandma Sandstorm.

**Leathertail**: OH, CRAP! I TOTALLY FORGOT!

_SandyShores has logged on._

**SandyShores**: LIONBLAZE! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET THAT GIRL AGAIN?!

**Pwnage**: AAAIIIEEE!!!

_Pwnage has logged off to run for his life._

_SandyShores has logged off to laugh her head off._

_Leathertail has logged off to laugh her head off._

_Blindsided has logged off to laugh at his brother._

_BadgersAreEvil has logged off to laugh at Lionblaze._

**JellySpoons**: Hey Anakin, do you want to humiliate Voldemort by cross-dressing him against his will?

**Bananakin**: I thought you'd never ask!

_Bananakin has logged off._

_JellySpoons has logged off._

* * *

**Wolf: You know, I don't feel like posting a long authoress note, so review! Please! And the pairings aren't going to be like this forever...it's your decision!**


	14. Off Their Meds

**Wolf: I'm really sorry this is updating so slow, guys. I have a lot of homework and basketball practice every day. But today is March 1st! Happy birthday to Ron Weasley! I don't own Warriors, Harry Potter, 300, Candyland, Dairy Queen, Chuck Norris, Star Wars, Llamas with Hats, Lord of the Rings, Family Guy, or any of the songs in this story.**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Off Their Meds**

_Blindsided has logged on._

_Pwnage has logged on._

**Pwnage**: (Sings.) I want your love and I want your revenge...

**Blindsided**: You and me, caught in a bad romance!

**Pwnage**: Still stuck in your head too?

**Blindsided:** You bet.

**Pwnage**: I am so glad we devoured those delicious pills...

**Blindsided**: Wait, what pills?

**Pwnage**: The chill pills, little munchkin. Chill, dude...

**Blindsided**: (Panicking.) What pills were they, Lionblaze?

**Pwnage**: A bunch of them. We all had them. Did you know they made a monster that flies? It walks on air, man! It walks on air!

_ImTooSexyForMyShirt has logged on._

_Claws_of_Fury has logged on._

_Fluffy_Pussycat has logged on._

_Ferncloud_is_Hot has logged on._

_Dustpelt_is_Sexy has logged on._

**Dustpelt_is_Sexy**: Dusty Musty, I looove yoouuu!

**Ferncloud_is_Hot**: No, Ferny Werny, I looove yooouuu!

**Fluffy_Pussycat:** (To Brambleclaw.) I'll get you, my pretty...and your little dog, too!

**Claws_of_Fury**: ...Huh? I was thinking of the air monsters...

**Fluffy_Pussycat**: Dude, I'm like, plotting to kill your girlfriend...

**Claws_of_Fury**: ...Oh, that. Whatever, man. Whatever floats your water monster. Chill...

**ImTooSexyForMyShirt**: ...You guys are, like, so much cooler than me...

**Blindsided**: WHAT DID YOU MORONS STEAL FROM THE MEDICINE CAT DEN?!

**Pwnage**: Some good stuff...catnip, Valium, something with an R...

**Blindsided:** (Fearful.) And what was it, exactly?

Pwnage: Dunno, dude...Riddle or something...Chill...

Blindsided: OH **CENSORED! **You nincompoops stole the Ritalin!

**ImTooSexyForMyShirt**: I wanna make out with Sandstorm now, dude...Chill...

**Blindsided**: YOU ATE THEIR MEDS! WE ARE SCREWED!

**Pwnage**: It can't be that bad? Who is it? Chill...Mellow like melons, man...

_ShaveIce has logged on._

_FoxyTom has logged on._

_JellySpoons has logged on._

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on._

**FoxyTom**: FREEDOM AT LAST!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: I LIKE PIE!

**ShaveIce**: Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring-

**JellySpoons**: BANANAPHONE! I WILL CONQUER THE WORLD WITH SPOONS!

**Blindsided**: ...This is a true disaster...I better fetch Firestar!

_AtomicFireball has logged on._

**Blindsided**: Firestar! Thank StarClan!

AtomicFireball: I have the rumblies in my tummy that only human flesh can satisfy!

**Blindsided**: Not you too!

**JellySpoons**: THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD-

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Gard, gard, gard, gard!

**FoxyTom**: RUN, FOR IT IS I, DARTH FOXINESS!

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged on._

**WarriorCode4Eva**: No! It is I, the dark apprentice! Not you, filthy little Mudblood!

**Blindsided**: Hollyleaf, you're not a Sith Lord. Suck it up.

**WarrirorCode4Eva**: Who said I was a Sith Lord? Palpatine is stupid. (Reveals Dark Mark on leg.) They couldn't tattoo a cat, so I had to draw it in my own blood! But the Dark Lord was impressed with my dedication!

**Blindsided**: Hollyleaf, I don't care.

_Riddle-de-dee has logged on._

**Riddle-de-dee**: Hollyleaf, do you have the weapon?

**WarriorCode4Eva**: As a matter of fact, my Lord, I-

**JellySpoons**: Hey, look! It's Moldyshort Shorts!

**Riddle-de-dee: **No...NOT YOU TWO!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: Get out of here before I unleash my kung fu wiener dog skills on your scaly white rear end!

**ShaveIce**: ...I LIKE SNOW CONES!

**Blindsided**: (Taps into special powers.) This better work...

**AtomicFireball:** I am a stapler in the face of evil!

**Claws_of_Fury**: (To Ashfur.) Dude, you are, like, my best buddy.

**Fluffy_Pussycat**: I know, dude. You so totally could own Chuck Norris. It's so-

_Fluffy_Pussycat has been disconnected._

**FoxyTom**: That's what he gets for messing with the Chuck!

**Claws_of_Fury**: NOO, NOT MY BESTEST BUDDY! WE WERE GOING TO GET ICE CREAM LATER! THIS IS MADNESS!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: Madness?

**JellySpoons**: This...is...SPARTA! (Kicks Brambleclaw off a cliff.)

**Claws_of_Fury:** (Lands in a ball pit.) Oh, what fun!

**Riddle-de-dee**: Come, Hollyleaf! To our master plan!

_Riddle-de-dee has logged off._

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged off._

**ShaveIce**: (Sings.) You have AIDS! Yes you have AIDS! I hate to break it boy, but you have AIDS! You got the AIDS! You probably caught it when-

**Blindsided**: You're just sick. (Uses power.)

**Claws_of_Fury**: (Magically off scary medication.) ...Whoa. HOLY DARK FOREST, I WAS BFFS WITH ASHFUR!!!

**Pwnage**: You don't want to know what I did. Thanks StarClan for Jayfeathers powers!

**FoxyTom**: (Medicated again.) At least you didn't do anything involved with a vacuum cleaner...or did you?

**JellySpoons**: PO-TA-TOES! Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: Come, let us annoy the heck out of Palpy-cakes!

**JellySpoons**: Ah, the joy of torturing fictional Sith Lords!

_JellySpoons has logged off._

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off._

**Blindsided**: ...Meh, they're always crazy.

**Ferncloud_is_Hot**: What do you want to do, Ferncloud?

**Dustpelt_is_Sexy**: You decide...

**Ferncloud_is_Hot**: CANDYLAND! I CALL THE BLUE PIECE AGAIN!

_Ferncloud_is_Hot has logged off._

_Dustpelt_is_Sexy has logged off._

**Blindsided**: Anyone want ice cream?

**AtomicFireball:** Heck yes!

_AtomicFireball has logged off._

_Blindsided has logged off._

_Pwnage has logged off._

_ImTooSexyForMyShirt has logged off._

_Claws_of_Fury has logged off._

_FoxyTom has logged off._

_ShaveIce has logged off._

* * *

_**At Dairy Queen...**_

"So how is everyone getting along?" Firestar asked, licking an ice cream cone.

Jayfeather grinned. "Fantastic! Cinderheart and I are getting along great! We've gone on five dates already!"

Firestar grinned at the young Padawan, then faced Lionblaze. "How about you and Heathertail?"

Lionblaze smiled widely. "Oh, yes! We've broken up and gotten back together twelve times already!"

On cue, Heathertail walked past, managing to tip a gallon of cherry milkshakes on Lionblaze's head in the process. Lionblaze just gave a whoop and sang the song "Milkshake" with Jayfeather. From the counter, Tigerstar gave his two employees menacing glares.

* * *

**Wolf: Ha! So next chapter...the next villain meeting! An ys, Jayfeather used his Power of Threeness to stop everyone's insanity/chillness...except for Wolf and Nemesis, since they're always crazy. Foxpaw and Icepaw just needed medication for their various ailments, blah, blah, blah.**


	15. Evil Moron Much?

**Wolf: Wow, this story has almost reached its end…it's been pretty crazy. By the way, if anyone wants to read a good book, I recommend **_**Ranger's Apprentice **_**series. It's pretty awesome. I also stumbled across a book about evil cheerleaders versus the good nerd girl…**

**For all you people craving another chapter of **_**Dairy Queen, **_**I have another chapter in the works, but it's not my main priority.**

**Anyways, I don't own **_**Warriors, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Wizard of Oz, **_**Botox**_**, **_**or any of the songs mentioned or used in this story.**

**Chapter Fifteen: Evil Moron Much?**

**

* * *

**

_JellySpoons has logged on._

_EyeoftheTiger has logged on._

EyeoftheTiger: Hello, Wolf. Where have you been?

JellySpoons: ShadowClan camp. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

EyeoftheTiger: Hey! I used to be their leader!

JellySpoons: Well, you clearly didn't do a good job, seeing how you attempted and failed to commit genocide, brought a pack of evil, power hungry wieners led by the alpha douche bag, and got yourself killed by a MIDGET.

EyeoftheTiger: At least I'm not a hyperactive lunatic with no sanity.

JellySpoons: No argument there. But as long as I'm not violently insane, I have no problems with myself. Mental stability is overrated.

EyeoftheTiger: You like quoting fan fictions, don't you?

JellySpoons: Yes. I do. Now I'm trying to become a Ranger, along with assign everyone theme songs.

EyeoftheTiger: Last week you said you were in Jedi training!

JellySpoons: I've been indecisive!

EyeoftheTiger: ...What's my theme song?

JellySpoons: _It's the eye of the tiger that's the theme of the fight! Rising up to the challenge of our lives! DUN, DUN, DUN!_

EyeoftheTiger: Typical. Anyone else? Perhaps...Jayfeather?

JellySpoons: _I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams!_

EyeoftheTiger: He would kill you if he heard that. Lionblaze?

JellySpoons: _I'm bringing sexy back!_

EyeoftheTiger: Oh my StarClan...And yours?

JellySpoons: Hang on...My loser sense are tingling! Someone's coming! Quick, hide within the virtual shadows! (Shrinks back invisibly.)

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged on._

_Scourge_the_Squirrel has logged on._

_Dorkstripe has logged on._

_Riddle-de-dee has logged on._

_SpidaMan has logged on._

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged on._

_DarthHideous has logged on._

WarriorCode4Eva: I have the secret weapon! BWUAHAHA!

Dorkstripe: But o course, my dark mistress!

WarriorCode4Eva: LEAVE MY SIGHT, FILTHY HALF-BLOOD!

Riddle-de-dee: AVADA KEDAVRA!

_Dorkstripe has been disconnected._

Riddle-de-dee: It has come to my attention that one of my Death Eaters, Draco Malfoy, has been killed by one of your kin, Hollyleaf. Is this true?

WarriorCode4Eva: Yes, but I have disowned him, My Lord! He is not my father!

JellySpoons: (Muttering.) Sickos...

FrostytheSnowCat: What was that?

SpidaMan: Probably just a moth. EVILNESS FOREVER!

_TheRingIsMine has logged on._

TheRingIsMine: Darn those blasted hobbits!

Scourge_the_Squirrel: Who are you? AND WHO CHANGED MY SCREEN NAME!?

TheRingIsMine: I am the Dar Lord Sauron! Fear me!

FrostytheSnowCat: You are SO unoriginal! That's supposed to be MY introduction!

_Fluffy_Pussycat has logged on._

Fluffy_Pussycat: Am I late for the meeting?

TheRingIsMine: There's a meeting? Ooh, we should start a knitting club! All in favor say I!

DarthHideous: I! THE SKYWALKERS MUST DIE!

Scourge_the_Squirrel: I!

Fluffy_Pussycat: I! I can sow living sweaters that will strangle Squirrelflight!

TheRingIsMine: It is settled then!

FrostytheSnowCat: Next order of business is WORLD DOMINATION! No stupid father to get in my way now! Bwuahaha!

JellySpoons: (Still well hidden SOMEHOW and humming her own theme music.)

WarriorCode4Eva: With our poisonous gummy bears, we shall demolish the world! THE CODE MUST BE UPEHLD! ...There's nothing in there about murder, you know. Talk about a major loophole.

Fluffy_Pussycat: And then we can start up a small chain of bridal shops!

FrostytheSnowCat: ...Are you on crack?!

Fluffy_Pussycat: No, I'm on catnip, you big dummy. What kind of cat are you?

DarthHideous: And I shall have an unlimited supply of Botox!

Riddle-de-dee: Eww! I did not need to hear that!

EyeoftheTiger: (Revealing himself.) You're just as nasty, Lizard.

FrostytheSnowCat: Ah, my fear father. How wonderful it is to see you again.

Riddle-de-dee: Tigerstar...Pathetic blood traitor.

EyeoftheTiger: Ah, if only you knew how repulsive you all were...

Scourge_the_Squirrel: Don't you see we have you outnumbered and outmatched? You are without hope!

EyeoftheTiger: Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots.

DarthHideous: What the--

JellySpoons: (Breaking in.) AND I'M HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF!

EyeoftheTiger: Nice theme song. Very well chosen. I would've gone with "Bananaphone."

JellySpoons: No, that's for Nemesis. Anyways...

Riddle-de-dee: You are no threat. I am totally awesome and hard core!

JellySpoons: Oh please. You had a freaking DIARY. You spit your soul into seven pieces, one of those pieces by total ACCIDENT. You stalk a teenage boy, you act like a pedophile, you look like a horror movie villain gone wrong, and you gave all of your followers easily identifiable tattoos. You're a total racist, you couldn't even defeat a baby, and you've been unable to defeat an old man and a midget in glasses. You name what the consequence of your moving the letters around in boredom and it's a freaking FRENCH word. Of all things, French. The language of the prissy wussies. And you dare to call me harmless...

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on._

TreeHuggingPitchfork: Ooh, are we crushing the spirits of evil dunderheads again?

DarthHideous: Leave us, skanks!

TreeHuggingPitchfork: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!

DarthHideous: (Gulps.)

_DarthHideous has logged off to run for his life._

TreeHuggingPitchfork: BANANAPHONE!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off to kill Palpatine._

_MyPrecious has logged on._

Precious: _Gollum! _Sméagol likes juice. Juice likes Sméagol. ...THE JUICE HAS BETRAYED US! NO! NO! The juice was our friend! Stupid fat juice boxes! Leave NOW, and NEVER come back! Juice was Sméagol's friend!

_MyPrecious has logged off to think dark thoughts._

TheRingIsMine: ...I thought he was supposed to be killing Frodo Baggins? ...Oh well. Onto that evil plan, then?

FrostytheSnowCat: Retreat! Retreat! Before they destroy us with spoons! And candy...And duct tape!

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged off._

_Scourge_the_Squirrel has logged off._

_Fluffy_Pussycat has logged off._

_SpidaMan has logged off._

_Riddle-de-dee has logged off._

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged off._

EyeoftheTiger: We must warn Firestar!

JellySpoons: Of course!I WILL CONQUER THE WORLD WITH SPOONS!

_EyeoftheTiger has logged off._

_JellySpoons has logged off._

_

* * *

_

**Wolf: So...sadly, not many character appeared. But it was funny, and I had some **_**Lord of the Rings **_**characters appear! Unless you're not a total geek like me, and thus do not get it...**

**Soon, the final battle of Idiots versus Lunatics will arrive...**


	16. The Final BattleWith Cheese?

**Wolf: The final chapter...Wow, it's finally here.**

**Well, I don't own _Warriors, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Twilight, A Very Potter Musical, Charlie the Unicorn, _or any of the songs in this story.**

**Chapter Sixteen: The Final Battle...With Cheese?**

* * *

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged on._

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged on._

_Scourge_the_Squirrel has logged on._

_Riddle-de-dee has logged on._

_DarthHideous has logged on._

_TheRingIsMine has logged on._

_Fluffy_Pussycat has logged on._

**Fluffy_Pussycat**: When you guys take over the world, can I have an unlimited supply of cupcakes?

**Scourge_the_Squirrel**: Cupcakes? If I were you, I'd get fruitcakes.

**Fluffy_Pussycat:** But I thought I was a fruitcake!

**FrostytheSnowCat:** Who let this guy join our crew?

**WarriorCode4Eva**: May I kill him?

**Riddle-de-dee**: No, he may yet be useful. After all, it's not like I'd kill off one of my servants in a totally anticlimactic way that won't do him any justice. When would I do that?

_AtomicFireball has logged on._

**AtomicFireball**: But you did just that. Jerk. Begin Operation I'm Too Lazy to Come Up With a Name!

_Pwnage has logged on._

_Blindsided has logged on._

**Pwnage**: OH WHOA OH, OH, WHOA OH OOOH! CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE!

**Blindsided**: RAH, RAH, AH AHH AH! ROMA, RO MA MAA! GAGA, OOH LA LAA! WHAT CHAA RUH ROMANCE!

**Pwnage**: I WANT YOUR LOVE AND I WANT YOUR REVENGE YOU AND ME CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE!

**TheRingIsMine**: What the One Ring is this?

_LadiesMan217 has logged on._

**LadiesMan217**: Too many characters here! (Grabs flamethrower.)

**TheRingIsMine**: You cannot defeat the One Ring!

**LadiesMan217**: Good point. We need something terrifying.

_The sky suddenly went dark. Dementors and Nazgul on their winged beasts swarmed through the open air, clouding everything._

_JellySpoons has logged on._

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on._

_KlutzySquirrel has logged on._

_TeaLeaves has logged on._

_EyeoftheTiger has logged on._

**KlutzySquirrel:** Wait a minute. If this is all based on the Internet, how can the sky be like that?

**TeaLeaves**: Shut up, Squirrelflight! They won't review!

**JellySpoons**: Man, it feels good to be a hamster.

**FrostytheSnowCat**: ...

**Riddle-de-dee**: Somebody kill the spares already!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: Wait a minute. You killed Cedric Diggory and transformed him into the monstrosity known as Edward Cullen. YOU MUST DIE!

**Riddle-de-dee**: Bring it on!

_ChosenOne has logged on._

**ChosenOne**: Why am I, the teenage kid, the one who always has to defeat Voldemort?

JellySpoons: It's a conspiracy, I tell you!

**Riddle-de-dee**: AVADA KEDAVRA!

**ChosenOne**: EXPELLIARMUS!

**JellySpoons**: BULLCRAP!

_Riddle-de-de has been disconnected once again._

**WarriorCode4Eva**: YOU KILLED MY MASTER!

**Blindsided**: Hollyleaf, your username is like an oxymoron with your personality.

**WarriorCode4Eva**: NO! FILTH! LIES! SHUN!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: Besides, he's going to come back again anyways. And Harry will beat him once more until Book 7.

**Pwnage**: Wait, so ChosenOne is that Harry Potter chick?

**ChosenOne**: I AM A GUY, DIPWAD!

**JellySpoons:** (Sings) 99 of Ferncloud's kits on the wall! 99 of Ferncloud's kits! Take one down, pass it around, that's 98 of Ferncloud's kits on the wall!

**TeaLeaves**: ...

**Scourge_the_Squirrel**: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

_Scourge_the_Squirrel has jumped off a cliff._

_DarthHideous has been disconnected as well._

**LadiesMan217**: How did that happen?

**JellySpoons**: I got bored with him.

**Pwnage**: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Does anyone else hear something breaking?

**JellySpoons**: That would be the fourth wall.

**Fluffy_Pussycat**: Give me cupcakes or die!

**JellySpoons**: Cupcakes are just gay muffins.

**Fluffy_Pussycat**: GIVE ME CUPCAKES OR I WILL--

_Fluffy_Pussycat has been drowned in cheese._

**TeaLeaves**: See, Dad? I told you opening a cheese shop would be useful!

_SandyShores has logged on._

**SandyShores**: I found a boring Ring in the laundry today. Is it anybody's?

**AtomicFireball**: I don't want it. Melt it into molten magma for all I care.

**SandyShores**: Too late. Berrynose ate it.

**KlutzySquirrel**: Isn't his stomach extraordinarily acidic?

**TeaLeaves**: Yeah, Why do you ask?

_TheRingIsMine has been disconnected due to the loss of his One Ring._

**KlutzySquirrel**: That's why.

**FrostytheSnowCat**: Hollyleaf, we're the last ones left. I can't die! I haven't even seen Candy Mountain yet!

_Claws_of_Fury has logged on._

**Claws_of_Fury**: I've seen it. It's not worth the journey. They steal your internal organs for sinister purposes.

**WarriorCode4Eva:** You shall not touch me, inferior imbeciles!

_HunteroftheNight has logged on._

**Blindsided**: There you are, Nightcloud! Hollyleaf is stealing Crowfeather for herself!

**HunteroftheNight**: HE IS MINE!

_WarriorCode4Eva has logged off to run from the psychopath._

_HunteroftheNight has logged off to kill Hollyleaf._

**FrostytheSnowCat**: I hate my life.

_FrostytheSnowCat has logged off to surrender to the Warriors of StarClan, blah, blah, blah._

**Blindsided**: That was anti-climatic.

**Pwnage**: True that, bro. I want some ice cream.

**EyeoftheTiger**: (Mutters under breath about bad employees.)

_Pwnage has logged off to make out with Heathertail._

**AtomicFireball**: I have a question!

**Blindsided**: Yes?

**AtomicFireball**: Jayfeather, you're blind. How can you even read the screen?

**Blindsided**: And the answer to that is...err...Well...

**SandyShores**: Major plot hole much?

**JellySpoons**: Hey, I imagine the reviewers will appreciate the humor, at least!

**KlutzySquirrel**: No, they're furious.

**Claws_of_Fury:** Maybe we could make up for it by adding fluff?

**Everyone else**: NO!

**Claws_of_Fury**: Darn.

**AtomicFireball**: Back to reality....

**TeaLeaves**: Well, Crowfeather and I are off to a well-earned vacation in Majorca.

**KlutzySquirrel**: TAKE ME WITH YOU SO I DON'T HAVE TO STAY WITH _HIM!_

_TeaLeaves has logged off._

_LadiesMan217 has logged off._

_KlutzySquirrel has logged off._

**Claws_of_Fury**: Was she referring to me?

**AtomicFireball**: When in doubt, say she was referring to Dustpelt and Ferncloud. They're making out in the corner of the hollow.

**SandyShores**: They need some marriage classes or something.

**AtomicFireball**: Want to talk about cereal again?

_AtomicFireball ahs logged off to discuss cereal._

_SandyShores has logged off to discuss cereal as well._

_Claws_of_Fury has logged off._

_EyeoftheTiger has logged off._

**ChosenOne**: I'm going to go kick a wiener dog...

_ChosenOne has logged off._

**TreeHuggingPitchfork**: COME, MY QUADRUPEDS!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off._

**JellySpoons**: Will kill Malfoy! Then destroy Tokyo.

_JellySpoons has logged off._

_HunteroftheNight has logged on._

**Blindsided**: Hello, Nightcloud.

HunteroftheNight: Hello, Jayfeather. So everything worked out?

**Blindsided**: Yep. I'm impressed, you did everything perfectly.

**HunteroftheNight**: What can I say?

**Blindsided:** Are you happy with the deal we made months earlier?

**HunteroftheNight**: The one where, if I helped stop the Dark Forest, you would hook me up with Lionheart? Of course! Lionheart is nice _and _hot without being gay! Crowfeather has nothing on him.

**Blindsided**: I'm cheered that you agree. It's creepy when someone hits on my old man. So they let you out of St. Mungo's?

**HunteroftheNight**: Yeah. I was never really insane, after all.

**Blindsided**: You are an impressive actress.

**HunteroftheNight**: So what happens now?

**Blindsided**: I imagine another idiocy will pop up at the time of apprenticeship in yet another ThunderClan cat's life, and the entire forest will be in jeopardy. Then said cat, no matter how inexperienced or _annoying, _will defeat the villain.

**HunteroftheNight**: Yeah right. Like that'll ever happen, right?

**Blindsided**: (Grins and glances blindly at audience.) See you all later!

_HunteroftheNight has logged off._

_Blindsided has logged off.

* * *

_

**So what did you guys think of that twist about Nightcloud? I love dit!**

**(Sniff.) It's the end! It's so sad! Well, i hoped you all enjoyed the ride. What did you think of the end?**

**I'm going to be adding more stories soon, so keep watching. Vote on the upcomign poll. Keep rocking.**

**-Wolf**


End file.
